Just in case you forgot...

evolution is a theory, not a fact.

Heard a news show tonight that was trying to help us forget.

7 Years Later

Seven years ago today, things seemed dark. Many say things were dark. I will admit, it wasn't a happy day for me. The days that followed were hard physically and emotionally, and I was spiritually empty, as I had been for years.

Each September since then, I get a little melancholy, fearful. What will this year bring? Will I be able to watch the news without crying? read the headlines? talk to friends? It takes me until about September 9th to admit that I worry about the 11th, even just worry about remembering.

This year has felt a little different. Instead of expecting the world to stand still and remember what happened 7 years ago, I hope in the world moving on--myself included. Not that I don't want to honor and remember, I just don't want to stagnate in the past. Life is full of blessings, even through darkness.

This morning I talked to my mom. She read me a letter from a neighbor, Elaine, who she had never met. Elaine talked about seeing my parents build and move into their home, about watching as family came to visit, noticing the joy we have in one another. My parents live in a town with about 500 people, and this woman lives across the lake, a very natural place to observe the comings & goings of my family, especially in the summertime when we descend on my parents' house to play. Elaine talked about September 11, 2001, about how she felt like she needed to go to church. She happened to pick my parents' church, heard about my brother, and felt deep sadness for a family she'd never even met. The letter she sent was such a blessing to my mom. As Mom read it to me, I cried. I am so thankful for her blessing to my folks. She took the time, after seven years, to let my folks know she had been praying for our family, even though she didn't know us. She commented on the things my mom loves to do in the summertime, having grandkids visit and water-ski, and how seeing all of us in action is such joy to her.

Elaine is a blessing to us, even when it would be so easy to get caught up in the darkness. It reminds me of why there is such hope, such peace, even now, seven years later.

Sin and my relationship to God

I have a lot of changes coming my way soon, and those changes have affected my sleep. I can't get to sleep at night, and then when morning comes I dread getting out of bed. It is not good. A friend suggested that when I can't sleep that I write a letter of what is on my mind.

As I tried to get to sleep the other night, I was filled with thoughts of what I want for my future. Once I started there, I couldn't sleep, so I got up and started writing. The words on the page were terrifying to me (especially when I read them later) because they spoke forcefully of my sin of self-centeredness and not trusting the Lord to provide the desires of my heart.

When I told my friend about this letter, I asked him what his greatest sin is, and he replied that it is fear. That is similar to mine, I thought, because it's all about what we're focusing on that is NOT Christ. I tried coming up with words to bring out the similarities, but could not do it.

Yesterday in church, Jeff said something about fear that was very relevant. Fear is an alternate faith, and by giving our lives over to fear, we put more merit on it than we do in the Lord. I think you could substitute any sin for fear there, but I thought it was so well put I had to share it.

I am so thankful that God sent his Son to atone for all of our sins, because I am sure there is no way I could ever escape these kinds of things on my own.

meandering mind

I have a lot going on in my head. I've been trying really hard to pray about it, but I am so confused about what to ask that prayer is a challenge all by itself.

Does it say anything about the state of my mind that I am choosing to clean house and do laundry as escape mechanisms? Should this concern me?

Prayer

Just a quick note asking for prayer for my sister, Judy, and her kids...Taylor, Braden, Spencer, Sophia, and Parker. Many of you know that they lost Brent, husband & Dad, unexpectedly in November of 2006. Yesterday would have been Judy & Brent's 20th wedding anniversary. I talked to Judy, who was really trying hard to hold it together, but I could hear the sadness in her voice.

I am so thankful she is willing to share the sadness somewhat now, that she trusts her family & friends enough to say she isn't happy all the time. I also pray in thanksgiving that she sees the joys in life and not just the sorrows. She said, "I could have sat around being depressed all day. Then I remembered I have five healthy kids and life is still pretty good." Big steps.

Pray for Judy & her kids, even just a brief moment, to honor this passage of time that probably helps and hurts at the same time. Then, please, take time to pray for your friends & family who have lost someone near and dear, and remember that loss, and honor that love.

Flawed

We all have our flaws--most of us have more than we'd like to admit. One friend in particular (you know who you are) seems to have periods where her flaws are all she sees. Whether it is a job you don't get, a love that is unrequited, or a life you are just not content with, life is full of disappointments.

My one friend has hit the point where all she can see is what she does not have. Simply put, she is unhappy, broken. I should say here that I love this friend. She is an amazing human being. She is my sister in Christ. She is one I can laugh with, cry with, and speak sternly to when she cannot see her own worth.

I try to remember that we are only on this earth for a short period of time. I also try to remember that this is not where we are meant to feel at home. If we feel at home here, then the GLORY promised to us in the next world seems insignificant. We are in this world, but, PRAISE GOD, not of this world.

I pray often that I would be able to see outside of myself. Each Sunday at church, we have a time set aside to confess our sins. As I sit there every Sunday, I cannot believe that I am confessing the same sin yet again....Lord, forgive me for being so self-centered, so stuck on who I am and what I have (or don't have) that I cannot see the glorious promises you have for me for more than a fleeting second.

I pray this now for my friend...that she can see beyond the current state of discomfort and discontent to know--KNOW--that she is loved and valued beyond all imagining. I confessed to her last week that I cannot imagine a man who is willing to see beyond my flaws and love me, that I don't think that I am worth that. She wondered how I could think that considering God designed me, created me, put me on earth, loved me, and shaped me into who I am now...how could anyone else's love compare to that?

I ask all of you the same question...how dare we convince ourselves that we are our flaws? Does God make mistakes, or does He simply put us into situations in which we are forced to our knees to rely on Him?

Coveting

In the Bible, there are lots of references to things 'you shall not covet.' Today, I am coveting your prayers, and I am fairly confident that I am allowed to do so. I didn't realize how closely I was relating my worth to what I do for a living. I think I have been in a minor depression for some time, and just didn't realize it.

Please pray for me, that I would realize that what God has planned for me is infinitely greater than what I am doing here & now. Also, pray that I will find some assurance that what I am doing now has purpose in the Lord's providence, and that I don't feel like I am wasting my time.

Thanks!