This was the month I was supposed to travel to Latvia for 3 months. I was going to help plant churches, work with kids, and build the church there. When I changed jobs, the sabbatical I had been looking forward to was out the window.
I have been letting this get under my skin for a couple of months. How could I do the job I had been given when I thought I was called to go do "Kingdom work" in another country? I worked unenthusiastically at my job, just trying to get through one day at a time. I have had several conversations with my sister, about how I could serve the Lord no matter where I was and though I knew it was true, it did not make me want to move. I was stuck in serving my own self-pity.
Then I found out I was sick, and pretty sick at that. I have spent the last couple of weeks wondering what I'm to do with my diagnosis. Cancer. Hmmm. I bravely told my pastor that I guess this is what God had intended all along, for me to be His witness and his minister to other people in similar situations. I know that what God has for me is for my good and His glory, but it is just harder to see at times like this. I am certain that God knows what he is doing in this.
Yesterday as my mom was driving me to church, we were talking about praying for God's will. It was an interesting discussion, because for many years, I have been comforted in the prayer that even though I may not think I like what God has intended for me, He will make me content in it. This is more true now than ever before....
I probably have icky cancer treatments ahead. I will likely have recurrences of the cancers I have, even after rounds of chemo or radiation. I am a harbinger of the health problems my sisters and nieces could be able to expect. That is a lot of pressure for one person and her health, but I'm not scared of it. God is strong enough, even for this.
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2 comments:
You will get past this sick, and will now know to watch for any more to appear. Hopefully any relatives will get their checkups/testing and be aware of any symptoms. You are a tough chickie and can beat this with your eyes closed. Other dreams you have are still there, waiting for their turn. You are no longer in a rut, all be it not a fun way to get out of a rut. A new you is emerging, you will be meeting new people, in new situations, nothing but positive is going to come of this... I believe that! If you loose your hair I will buy you the prettiest scarves... You have a world of people that you have been nothing but wonderful to that want to return the favors... humility is your new BFF. You are going to be okay. I love you.
First of all. I love you girl.
Second, I have thought about your Latvia trip so many times the past few weeks, and your new job that prevented you from going. I have thanked the Lord for this blessing. That you were here and not in another country away from family and friends, and that you were able to get immediate access to the medical treatment you needed (I have no idea what the health system is like there), and for not having to walk through this process while trying to communicate through a translator.
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