The verdict is in

It is 317am, and I'm up for the 3rd time since I went to bed around 10pm. Gotta love hot flashes that are surgically induced! Hot flashes are a far cry from the "I'm cold" I've been saying for the past couple of years. Now I go from chilly, to sweaty hot, to freezing, all in the course of about 5 minutes--several times a day. It's like my own personal weather system!

Part of the reason I may be having a hard time sleeping tonight is because of my appointment yesterday. I saw an oncologist at MD Anderson (MDA) in Houston. I was half hoping she'd tell me that what was offered to me at Scott & White (SW from here on out) would be the same regimen of treatment she would recommend. That would have kept my life simple...uncomplicated. Um, yeah, that didn't happen.

Prior to the appointment yesterday, I'd already decided that if MD Anderson offered a treatment that was more aggressive, more cutting-edge, I was going to get treated in Houston. I mean, I'm only 36. If the next six to twelve months are more uncomfortable or irritating because of treatment, but it means I'll live 30 more years, I'd be a fool not to take advantage of that. I have had plenty of other opportunities to be foolish in my lifetime, and I didn't want this to be another one.

Here's what it came down to. SW said they'd give me 6 rounds of IV "the gold standard" chemotherapy treatment for my ovarian cancer. When we asked about what they were going to do about the uterine cancer, they said that this chemo would treat both. MDA said that they'd give me 6 rounds of chemo, plus radiation to treat the uterine cancer.

The chemo is not the same as what SW had to offer, instead it is more of a mixed cocktail. IV chemo will be on day 1 (currently scheduled 6/18) , intrapariteneal (okay, I don't know how to spell that, but I'll call it IP) chemo will be on day 2, then another dose of IP chemo on day 8, starting all three steps over on day 22. So, chemo is still every 3 weeks, just with multiple steps. IP chemo treats the ovarian cancer more directly, as it is pumped directly into my abdomen. Because the drugs used for ALL chemo are essentially poisons designed to kill any cancerous cells, I get that poison right on my stomach...fun, fun. For days 1 and 2, I'll be inpatient, but day 8 I'll be outpatient. It all sounds somewhat messy and complicated, but I'm young and smart (when I'm not on pain meds) and I think I'll be able to figure it out.

The next step is trying to figure out who I'll have with me during chemo. Several sisters and friends, plus my mom, have all said they'll be here whenever I need them. All along I'd thought they'd be with me in my home, and that was nice...I could go to my own room if I needed some quiet. Being at MDA or elsewhere in Houston is going to make those living quarters significantly different. I think my next step should be creating some sort of schedule. I know I won't want to be around many people, because my immune system won't be great, I could feel nasty from the chemo, and I'll probably be losing my hair. I don't see this as a great time for me to be sunny and loving others all the time. I suspect I'll want someone who'll read to me, make sure I eat, and won't annoy me. I have a pretty short fuse anyway, and I don't want this experience to remind people of my surly adolesence. God has changed my attitude and my heart so much for the better, that I don't want to ruin that by falling back into my own grumpiness. Pray about that, won't you?

Okay, it's well past the time I should be tired again. I'm going to try to go back to bed, but clearly I had to get some stuff out of my head. I officially have 7 days before things start being driven by my MDA schedule, so let's do something fun before then!