A confession and a genius

So, I have a confession to make. It's not bad, and probably not surprising, but I thought I'd better come clean. When I was home last, and in pain from the complications with my port, I got really depressed. I didn't feel like I could exercise, and I didn't have a schedule to keep, so I just sat around at home and sunk into myself. Now, this would be understandable (in my mind) if I was depressed about having cancer. But, I wasn't depressed about that, I was depressed about not feeling productive, about feeling like I had nothing to offer.

Through my years of working, I have often daydreamed about NOT working, about being able to be at home and be really productive, spending my days doing what I love. As it turns out, I don't do that. What I do when I don't work is nap and watch TV. Not much for productivity, huh? I am lazy by nature, and when you add that to the fact that I am in pain, I do NOTHING. (This is not an exaggeration.)

When I saw my oncologist last week, I got the news that the pain at my port site should reduce over time, in addition to the fact that she was switching me over to strictly IV, outpatient chemo. The change in my mental state has been great, not to mention that the side effects after only IV chemo were much less than with the combination I was having before. Mom helped move me out of the Houston apartment on Sunday, and we were home fairly early in the afternoon. My worst day for side effects was Monday, when I felt tired during the morning. Mom ran some errands then, and I rested, and I felt better when she got home. That evening, we went to Debby's for dinner, and to find out how the kids' first day of school had gone. While we were there, I helped with homework and filling out paperwork that the school had sent home.
I know it seems minor, but doing that helped me to feel like my day had served some purpose.

Let me mention here that in addition to being the world's best Mom, my mom is also a genius. She told Debby that I'd been feeling less than productive, and that maybe I could spend a few hours each evening helping out with the kiddos. Debby and I both thought that was a good idea, so this week, that is what I did.

I spent my mornings taking care of things at my house, then spent the afternoons helping with homework and dinner at Debby's. You have no idea how it has changed my week. Instead of sitting around my house feeling sorry for myself, I have exercised, organized, and kept up with my house, not to mention what I'm doing at Debby's. In college I noticed that I used my time more effectively when I was busy, and this just proves it again. I have made a list each morning, and most days, I have crossed everything off my list.

So, thanks, Mom, for giving us the genius idea that my time and Debby's family might benefit from one another. You're the best!