Go out, be blessed!

"Only the mysterious is eternal.  I prefer to feel this life rather than to grow foolish enough to believe I own it. "--Marlena De Blasi

"But to the other realm, alas, what can be taken?  Not the power of seeing, learned here so slowly, and nothing that's happened here.  Nothing."--Rainer Maria Rilke

"Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.  For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly." 1 Peter 2:18-19

"To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing." 1 Peter 3:8-9

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation." 1 Peter 4:12-13

I woke early this morning, and reading seemed to be a good way to start the day.  It was a difficult decision--reading or coffee first--but reading won this morning.

One of my friends noticed the other day that though hair started falling out of my head, I still had eyebrows & eyelashes, hair on my arms, etc.  It got me to thinking about why.  That thinking got me a little anxious about the effectiveness of chemotherapy.  Maybe in some weird way, my body is resistant to chemo.  Maybe the fact that this poison is not killing hair follicles indicates that it also is not killing the cancerous cells in my body.  I bet you can see where this leads.  For a couple of days, there has been silly fear rolling around in my head, which has made me less able to focus on other things.

This morning, I woke up in my hospital room with the realization that somehow that fear was gone.  How silly of me to think my body would respond in a typical manner.  Very little about me is typical, why would I expect my reaction to chemo be "by the book"?  

So, the passages above spoke to me this morning.  I still want to live my life, to feel things, to savor and enjoy what comes my way.  I sometimes see cancer as an unjust master, a fiery ordeal, and 1 Peter was a good reminder that though we are not promised life will be easy, it can be made easier through trusting in the Lord's care for us.  Also, it reminded me that I am called to bless others, because I know God is caring for each and every situation, good or bad, and that blessing is constantly to be shared.

It's not easy, but I am so thankful I was reminded of all of this as I start my day.